Traits for EMs

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many managers, and mentored a few. I was fortunate enough to learn from some great bosses. When I think about it, I feel like there’s no one right way to be a good manager. I realize every manager brings their own personality, strengths, and struggles to the role. The best ones don’t try to be perfect. In the end, there are different leadership archetypes. You can’t be all at the same time. They embrace failure but have a growth mindset. This is something I remind myself of constantly because, as much as I’ve learned, I know I still have plenty of room to improve.

For example, I’ve always admired leaders who keep their composure no matter what. That’s an area I’ve personally struggled with. When things go wrong or tensions rise, staying calm doesn’t come naturally to me, and I’m still working on it. But I’ve also learned that leadership isn’t about forcing yourself to fit a mold.  Whether you’re mentoring, managing, or simply trying to be a better teammate, leadership is a balance of authenticity and adaptability. In this post, I’ll share some traits that make a great engineering manager. 

1. Get Things Done

In every team I’ve led, there’s been at least one manager who could talk a good game but couldn’t push a project over the finish line. You need to deliver results. In the end, that’s what matters. No matter how brilliant your vision, if the code never ships or the team stays stuck, everything else falls apart. Tip I share with managers: 

• Prioritize execution above all else. You need clear milestones and actionable steps to maintain your progress. Ensure everyone knows exactly what they need to achieve, not just this month or week, but today.
• Simplify project goals into manageable steps. Long-term objectives can feel overwhelming, so help your team break them down. Encourage them to outline realistic deliverables that align with the bigger picture, making the path forward tangible and achievable.
• Set firm boundaries to prevent scope creep. While it’s tempting to take on more, adding too much risks derailing the entire project. Stay focused on the essentials and protect the team’s ability to deliver meaningful results on time.

2. Elevate Your People

One of my first mentees started out thinking her primary role was to “keep everyone on track.” That’s part of it, sure, but a big piece she was missing was cultivating talent. A great manager highlights each engineer’s strengths, gives them room to explore, and celebrates their successes, no matter how small. Tip I share with managers: 

• Set up people for growth. If, after a year, half your team hasn’t leveled up or expanded their skill set, you’ve missed an opportunity to empower and uplift.
• Set goals. Goals should include things your people want to improve upon, like learning Kubernetes internals, but should also push them out of their comfort zone so they can grow further.

3. Give meaningful Feedback

I remember mentoring an engineering manager who consistently struggled with giving feedback. Once, he totally froze when a direct report got defensive. Afterward, he admitted to me that he’d panicked because he “didn’t want to be the bad guy.”
The best managers I’ve worked with look inward during these moments. They recognize gaps in their approach and make a plan to improve. Sometimes it means reading up on conflict resolution; other times it means having tough conversations with their own mentors. Tip I share with managers: 

• Practice feedback delivery in low-pressure settings. Start by giving positive feedback regularly to build trust and make constructive discussions feel more natural.
• Focus on behavior, not the person. Instead of framing feedback as criticism, describe the specific actions or outcomes and their impact, then suggest alternatives.

4. Be Empathetic, Not Nice

Empathy gets thrown around a lot, but let’s be specific: Empathy means truly hearing your team. When I was leading a project that was in constant crunch mode, I realized one of my senior engineers was quietly burning out. Nobody had noticed because he was hitting all his deadlines.
I learned to check in, really check in. You need to identify when support is needed, your people’s well-being, and creating psychological safety. Tips I share with managers: 

• Ask about their workload. Ask how they are feeling about your workload? Give people space to answer honestly.
• Ask about their lives outside work: Every so often, ask about their hobbies, family, or interests. When team members open up about their personal lives, it helps build stronger connections; therefore, better trust.
• Ask what’s frustrating them. Regularly ask, “What’s not working for you?” or “What’s one thing we could change to make things better?”

5. Communicate Well

Over-communicate by default and dial it back if you think the team has enough to move forward. Ask for regular updates, read meeting recaps, and put transparent timelines. I also encourage managers to pause and check for understanding: “Does this make sense?” or “What are your thoughts?” can go a long way toward catching gaps early.

This is an area I personally find challenging. I’ve always felt confident in my written communication, but spoken communication can be harder for me. Maybe it’s because English is my second language, but I think it’s more about clarity of thought. The times I’ve stumbled in conversations, I’ve realized I wasn’t clear on what I wanted to say beforehand. It’s something I’m working on. Tips I share with managers: 

• Prepare your key points. Before meetings or discussions, jot down the main points you want to communicate. This can help organize your thoughts and make your delivery more focused.
• Slow down and simplify. Speaking more slowly not only helps with clarity but also gives you time to structure your thoughts as you go.
• Ask for feedback on your communication. Encourage your team to share if something wasn’t clear or if they need more context. 

6. Be Pragmatic

I’ve seen managers who pursue a technology or approach simply because they’re personally invested in it. While it’s great to have convictions, it’s more important to evaluate what serves the bigger picture. Does it fit your team’s skills? Does it align with the company’s goals? Tips I share with managers: 

• Prioritize team alignment over personal preference. Ask yourself: “Will this decision unify the team, or will it create resistance?” If it’s the latter, take a step back and reconsider whether your choice is worth pushing for.
• Focus on long-term impact. Evaluate the solution not just for today’s problem but for how it supports the team and company over the next several years. Ask, “Will this approach grow with us, or will we outgrow it too quickly?”
• Separate the idea from the ego. Use questions like, “What’s the best option for this scenario?” rather than, “Do you agree with my approach?”

7. Try to be Unopinionated

In my early years, I misunderstood “managerial vision” to mean having a strong stance on every debate. The truth is, if you’re always the loudest voice in the room, you’re robbing the team of creative solutions. Great managers know when to stand back and let the group lead. Tips I share with managers: 

• Speak Last. Let your team voice their opinions first. 
• Ask guiding questions. Instead of telling your approach, as questions such as “What options have you considered?” or “What are the potential trade-offs?” 

8. Keep Things Balanced

Striking the right tone as a manager has never been easy for me. I’m not naturally good at staying calm when things build up. Sometimes I let issues slide for too long, and then I end up bursting when the pressure gets too much. It’s a habit I’m actively working on because I’ve learned that extremes. If you are overly optimistic or overly critical, it doesn’t help the team or the project. You need to be rational about all things considered. Tips I share with managers:

• Address issues early and constructively. Don’t let small problems linger. Surface your concerns in regular check-ins.
• Pause before reacting. When you feel frustration building, take a moment to collect your thoughts. Responding thoughtfully often leads to better outcomes than reacting impulsively. I need to do this much better.
• Reframe your mindset. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, focus on what can be done to move forward. 

9. Build your Track Record

Your career should have different flavors from helping a struggling employee regain their confidence to stabilizing a failing project.You win those moments by showing up, adapting, and finding ways to deliver even when the odds are against you. 

A strong track record is built on consistent delivery, resilience, and showing that you can adapt to new challenges. It’s about proving that you can guide your team to success, no matter the circumstances. Tips I share with managers:

• Deliver consistent results. Own key initiatives and ensure they are completed on time and within scope. Successes like launching features or reducing downtime build your credibility.
• Fix systemic issues. Solve problems that impact the organization, like streamlining workflows or reducing inefficiencies. Broad improvements show your ability to create lasting change.

10. Become the Unblocker

One of my favorite managers  was ruthless against blockers. He didn’t shy away from hard conversations or tough decisions. Instead, he always cleared the path for the team to move forward. Unsurprisingly, he’s now a VP in a FAANG company. I’ve seen this trait in many great leaders. People who unblock don’t just get things done but also earn trust and loyalty because they don’t back down when challenges arise. Tips I share with managers:

• Be proactive against blockers. Don’t wait for your team to raise issues. Actively seek out and resolve anything slowing progress.
• Address tough problems head-on. Whether it’s a misaligned dependency or an uncooperative stakeholder, confront the issue directly and push for resolution.
• Own the hard conversations. Step into situations where others hesitate. Your team will respect you for taking on what they can’t.

Wrapping Up

Having walked this path and guided others along it, I’ve seen how these traits can elevate a manager from mediocre to truly inspiring leader. Being a manager requires caring for your team while delivering results, holding strong opinions while staying open to new ideas, and navigating the fine line between positivity and realism.

Whether you’re stepping into this role for the first time or refining your approach, these qualities are a strong foundation. If you’re hiring, look for these traits. They’re the signs of someone who will empower their team to perform at their best.